An Excerpt From My Journal: The Vulnerability & Fullness of Gratitude

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WHEW….this episode feels like I bared a little piece of my soul to you.

I have a physical journal, but sometimes if it’s not around or if I can feel words flowing out of me so fast I don’t know what to do with them all, I’ll quickly jot them down in my phone instead.

I was searching through my notes app looking for something when I came across an entry I wrote back in May, and when I re-read it, intuition told me that someone else needed to hear it.

This is a conversation about the fullness of life. The pleasure, the pain and everything in between. The intimate power of human connection and how it transforms us to our very core.

It’s about learning to lean into every corner of life and allowing yourself to grow through it all.

It’s about love, in every sense of the word.

This is the most emotional episode I’ve ever released. I hope a snippet of my inner world helps you to transform your own.

JOURNAL

May 3, 2021

Today feels like a harder day. Not a hard day, just harder than some others.

And yet, I sit in gratitude.

Grateful I can hurt and heal and feel and laugh and cry and anger and love and grieve and despair and crack open to experience new depths.

Grateful that I am able to experience the full range of what it means to be human. Because even though feeling hurts sometimes, I am able to feel and to feel deeply, and what a beautiful gift that is, even when it’s painful. To feel is to be alive. To be in wonder and awe of both the pain and the joy I can fully sit in and experience.

I am grateful for a warm cozy bed, a stable roof over my head, people who love and care about me and look out for me, the wind on my face that reminds me change is always possible when I least expect it, for trees and green and nature, for sunshine and rain, and clouds and clear skies, for the ability to move, run, walk, lift, and demonstrate my own physical and (by extension) emotional strength.

Grateful for my strong healthy body. Grateful for my intelligent mind, my ability to change and shift my thoughts in any direction, for the creative juices that flow through me and allow me to create and build something from nothing. Grateful for books and words and being able to learn from others. Grateful for the hoodie I wear almost daily that makes me feel like I’m being hugged.

Grateful for the indescribable feeling of comfort, safety, protection, warmth, joy and love that comes from resting my head on the chest of a man I trust who cares about me deeply…even if right now that feeling only lives in both my memory of the past and my imagination of the future, and I may have to wait a while longer before I experience it again in real time.

Grateful for an active imagination that can present both best, worst, and completely unheard of (in all the incredible ways) possibilities, and allowing me the opportunity to choose which direction I will take my thoughts. Grateful for all of my five senses, and how life feels a little juicier when I fully embody each of those sense and allow myself to utilize them intentionally, or when one of them catches me off guard and I’m reminded of my aliveness.

Grateful for my imperfect humanity, and the imperfect humans I am gifted with that allow me to grow into and accept my own imperfections even more deeply. Grateful for becoming more rooted and grounded within myself, and developing a quiet confidence that smoulders from within, that others can sense as they come into contact with me. Grateful for the presence I possess that makes people sit up and take notice when I enter a space, whether virtual or physical, and choosing to wield that power accordingly for the better. 

Grateful for lightness and darkness and everything in between, for feeling the dark so that I recognize and experience the fullness of the light. Grateful for the ability to change my habits and things about myself I want to shift, and grateful for the ability to grant acceptance of myself and others without judgement. Grateful for kind hearts and honesty and unparalleled loyalty.

Grateful for love, care, and learning more about myself every day. Grateful for this period of isolation that has brought me more deeply home to myself, created a space for introspection, allowed seeds to be planted, and deepened my understanding of both the human experience, of my own skill set, my own needs, and the intimate power of human connection.

Grateful for the space it has granted me that will end up opening me farther than I have ever experienced. Grateful for discipline, surrender and flow, all 3 of which I have much improvement to create around but am actively working towards and this time has reminded me of the importance of all three.

Most importantly, grateful for this very human existence and experience. It has reminded me both how powerful and how insignificant I am. It has been humbling and hard, and also granted me space to give myself grace, and to teach me how to become better at receiving love and care from others.

Grateful that lessons around acceptance and surrender have been handed to me in huge new ways, and grateful for my natural warmth and ability to connect with people, for the ease with which they can connect with and open up to me. Grateful for pleasure and pain and the healing power of each.

Grateful. From the bottom of my heart.

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Questions?  Comments? Want to connect and chat about this episode? You can email me at info@emilygoughcoaching.com, or DM me over on Instagram @emilygoughcoach or Facebook at Emily Gough Coaching.  I would absolutely love to connect with you and thank you for listening in real life and here any takeaways you had from this or other episodes!.  It makes me day to see you listening to the podcast and fills me up with pure joy. Seriously.  See you on the ‘gram!

If Instagram and Facebook aren’t your jam, send me a good old fashioned email!  info@emilygoughcoaching.com

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