“I just really want to stress you have choices. You choose how you show up, and even if you feel as though you maybe haven’t been a super genuine person up until this point, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t capable of forming yourself into somebody new.”
Welcome back everyone, today’s episode is all about being genuine and how it has never been so important to show up in a genuine way. This means in business, online, and just in general as a human being.
It seems perplexing to me when I get the question “how do I show up genuinely online?”, so today we’re going to dive into the topic of just being yourself and how you’re showing up. I truly believe that there are a lot of people who are trying to show up in the way that they think that they should, rather than the way that they actually are.
Let’s dive into:
- Being real, raw, honest, and staying true to yourself
- How to tell if someone is genuine
- Can you teach people how to be genuine?
- And so much more…
I want you to show up as YOU always and I promise that, that is going to pay off. It’s just a matter of patience. This episode is pretty fiery guys, so grab your notebook and get ready to hear me drop the mic!
Are you ready? Get listening right away by clicking the link above, or if you’re more in the mood to read today keep scrolling for the full transcription of today’s episode! Let’s do this!
Look for references from today’s episodes? Find them all here:
Hey, welcome back to the Room to Grow podcast! Emily here, and today’s episode is going to be all about how it has never been so important to show up in a genuine way. This applies to podcasting, your business, and to just being a human, particularly one in the online space. But just as a human, we need to show up in a more genuine way. Okay? And this is something that…listen, I’ll be brutally honest with you, I don’t know how to not show up in a genuine way. So it’s, it’s become really interesting to me because I just show up as me. And in the last, I would say, 6 to 12 months, genuine is the word that people have approached me with to describe me as the most in the last 6 to 12 months, people will approach me and I keep hearing that word over and over again, they’ll say ‘you’re so genuine’. And I really deeply, deeply appreciate that because I think that to recognize that in another human being, there’s a lot of power in that. And we’re very drawn to anyone who comes across as genuine. I feel the same way about all kinds of other people in my life and people that I see in the online space who are showing up in a genuine way. Those are the kinds of people that I want to surround myself with. I feel so incredibly fortunate whenever anyone feels that way about me, because that isn’t even something that I necessarily strive for. It’s just how I choose to show up.
So sometimes when people ask me or talk to me about how to show up in a more genuine way, I’m almost a little bit perplexed at the question, because I don’t know how to not show up as myself. But I also fully recognize that there are a lot of people who are trying to show up in the way that they think that they should, rather than the way that they actually are and don’t mistake me I have still absolutely fallen into the trap. And I will continue to multiple times in the future, I’m sure. I fall into the trap of not wanting to be judged for certain things and, you know, kind of falling into the comparison trap and stuff like that everyone is going to experience that I absolutely experienced that on a regular basis. And that’s usually when I also know I need to step away from social media for a little while to give myself that little bit of breathing room because then you can get more in touch with what is true for you, as opposed to what is true for somebody else on the internet. So that is part of this conversation that we’re going to have but it has absolutely never been so important to show up in a genuine way. Because I talk about this a lot there. There is a lot of smoke and mirrors on the internet. There are and even though we know that logically, it’s still very easy to fall into the trap of believing that everything that we see online must be true. That person’s life must be perfect. They must be making so much money. They must have all of this freedom, everything in their life is going well. There’s so many different things, right, so many different things that and and conclusions that we can jump to that are not necessarily accurate.
But the other problem is that sometimes we will occasionally run into people online that are coming across a certain way. And then we find out something about them later. Or maybe we did a little bit of research and we realized that, you know, there’s something off. Sometimes it’s just a feeling. And you can’t really explain it and you can’t quite put your finger on it. But there’s just a feeling that you have about somebody where, you know, people will say, Oh, I love so and so, you know, have you checked out their account, or their podcast or their coaching program or whatever, and you’re like, yeah, you know, I have checked it out, but they just don’t feel right for me. And, I mean, listen, that’s a good thing. Like we can’t be right for everyone and that is a discernment tool. I’ve talked Put that in here before as well, that that’s actually a good thing that we should not be for everyone. And everyone shouldn’t be for you either. But there’s a difference between that and sometimes you just get a sensation, you just sort of get this feeling where you’re like something is a little bit off. And I have to say that since this pandemic started since the Black Lives Matter, revolution has kind of really picked up speed as well. All of those things absolutely shine a light on who is showing up in a more genuine way and who isn’t.
And I could never have predicted or expected it to happen this way. And it’s just been really fascinating to see how all of these really massive, huge events are separating the herd, and it’s powerful. This is why I cannot stress enough that it has never been so important to show up in a genuine way, to be yourself, to face your fears of being disliked, you know, pushing people away or whatever. Because none of that is going to matter in the longer term. And if you hold on to the fear of trying to show up as something that you’re not, how is that going to serve you in the long term? And it’s exhausting. This is the part that I never understand. Is it trying to show up with somebody that you’re not is exhausting. On a good day, sometimes I’m like, especially in 2020 I’m like, dude, do I have any of my shit together? any of it at all? Really?
I can’t imagine trying to put up some sort of facade of something in my life being good when it wasn’t or something like that. And listen, I’m not saying air of your dirty laundry on the internet at all. I keep 95% of my life behind closed doors, and I’ve talked about that before as well. But I think it and I think that we should all have very healthy boundaries when it comes to what we share publicly. But there’s a difference between having boundaries, and still being able to show up in a really genuine, authentic way. So let’s go through some of this a little bit. So how would you even tell if somebody is genuine? Okay, let’s go through that. First of all, one that’s really interesting to me is one of the points that came to mind when I was coming up with the notes for this, was how do other people speak about that person? And listen, we need to be a little bit objective here, because there will always be, especially on the internet. We know this works keyboard warriors, get a bee in their bonnet and it’s just a situation and people can also just be cruel sometimes. So, yes, you know, everybody is going to have someone out there who doesn’t like them. But overall, you need to take a little bit of a bird’s eye perspective here and look at how people overall speak about the person in question. It’s really interesting because recently I had someone approach me who said that they one of one of the biggest reasons why they kind of connected with me and found me and wanted to work with me was because of how highly some of the people in the industry were speaking of me. And he said it in sort of an offhand way, but it was profound for me at this moment of like, Wow, that is just incredible. I’m blown away and then I started thinking about it. I’m like, you know that, and don’t get me wrong, guys. I’m quite certain that there are lots of people who don’t like me, okay? This is not to toot my own horn or anything of the sort. But you can get a sense a little bit about how someone shows up based on how other people speak of them. And again, this is relative, there are always going to be people who don’t like other people. And you know, like everyone will always have somebody out there who has something negative to say about them. It’s not that at all, I fully acknowledge that, but overall, you can kind of get a feel for it. To me, it comes back down to that saying about you, we’ll never forget, it was Maya Angelou said this. Please forgive me. I’m not I’m not remembering the exact quote at the moment. But that you’ll always remember how somebody made you feel. And that’s one of the biggest things that I’m all about is having a positive impact and showing up for people and creating connections and I’ve built my entire business on those pillars. And to really, you know, see the effects of that come out and just, you know, a simple offhand comment by somebody is really amazing. And my biggest point with that is that you never know what kind of an incredible impact you’re having on somebody out there. You never know. And it’s, it’s really amazing that you showing up as yourself in a genuine, authentic real way can have that kind of an effect. It’s really powerful.
Something else is do people’s actions match their words as well or is there in congruence with their with that, you know, will they say one thing but then they do something else, or vice versa. So that’s something to really watch as well. That’s something that I pay a lot of attention to with people is if they walk their walk, and that tells me a lot about somebody and that’s a really great way to figure out if somebody is genuine, and we won’t always have the opportunity for this especially right now in our pandemic world but is somebody the same in real life as they are online, if you have the opportunity to meet somebody in real life, or vice versa, if you know somebody in real life, and then you see how they show up online, it’s really amazing to see how sometimes there have been lots of people that I’ve met in real life that I had only no one online, that they sometimes can be quite different. And it always surprises me. Sometimes I actually prefer them more in real life than I do online. Like, oh, you’re way cooler in person on the internet, because I think that sometimes people can again, sort of project this image of themselves that they want to show up a particular way. So that’s how they project themselves in the online space. And then you meet them in real life with, you know, all their messiness and imperfections and whatever, just like any other human out there, I’m like, wow, I really like you. Like you’re awesome. Why can’t you just show up online as you, you know, it’s really fascinating to see. And yes, I fully acknowledge that we are not always able to meet people in real life that we see online. But if you have the chance to do so that’s a really great way to tell if somebody is genuine as well.
Do they consistently show up with the same type of messaging? Or do they bounce around and match the latest trend? That’s an important one. That’s a really important one. Keeping an eye on that, and you know, if it’s sort of like a bandwagon situation, or are they just kind of like completely ignorant to what’s happening in the world? I mentioned this with the pandemic starting as well, that it was fascinating to see how some people were showing up in the online space pretending that the pandemic wasn’t happening. And it sounded so tone deaf, I was like, are you just ignoring the elephant in the room? Like I know that the pandemic is affecting you because it’s literally affecting virtually every single citizen on this planet. So it just sounded bizarre that they were going on about things that felt very strange. And that’s something to look at. So that’s sort of the opposite about, you know, looking at their messaging but matching the latest trend, or are they completely tone deaf and ignoring what is happening in the world? That’s the other side of it. Check your gut too, what’s your intuition telling you? Because your gut instinct knows far more than you think. Your body knows far more than you think. Every single time I ignore my intuition, I regret it. And I bet that you feel the same way. I have an entire episode about that episode 120, you can check that in the show notes. It’s been a really, really popular one. And it’s all about how to learn to start checking in with your gut instinct much more often, and to actually pay attention to what your body is trying to tell you. Science is trying to give you. Have you ever kind of had I mean that this ties in with the intuition like have you ever had those moments where you find something out about somebody and you think, like I knew it, then you could just tell there was something off, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on it. Like take note of those feelings because your body is trying to tell you something your body is talking to you constantly. And a lot of times we just ignore the feedback that our bodies are giving us we write it off, but our bodies know far more than we do. They’re far smarter than us. And we need to pay more attention to that. Do your research on somebody as well.
Do they practice what they preach? Do they walk their walk like I mentioned before? Are they open and honest about their mistakes and their fuck ups? That is a big one. That is a really big one. Because I think that sometimes people are so afraid to admit to their mistakes because they think that it will make them look bad or that it will make people think less of them somehow or something like that. But the problem with that is that then if they never reveal any of their mistakes, if they make it look as though everything is perfect, everything is fluffy and white and beautiful, and find thinking of like, like a duvet cover here or something. Like it’s just beautiful, whatever. And there’s not a single flaw on it. There’s no errors or anything. And it’s just not real. No human is like that. We all are making mistakes all the time. We all you know, make errors, we all have fuck ups. And when you pretend that that never happens to you, what you do is you elevate yourself to the pedestal. And when you’re on the pedestal, all you’re doing is talking down at people, and you’re preaching to them, and they can’t connect to you when you’re up on the pedestal. Because you don’t seem like a normal human because no normal human is that perfect. So even though it can feel really scary and really vulnerable, and I’m not saying that you need to share all of your deepest, darkest secrets. But when you make a mistake, when something happens that you change your mind about or something like that. If you own that, that’s gonna go a really long way. That’s gonna go a really long way. And I’m always very skeptical of people that I come across on the internet who appear to have every single aspect of their life together. Every hair is in place, every like, everything is perfect all the time. And I’m like, Who? Who is what? They just feel so unrelatable because I’m like, my life doesn’t look like that. I don’t know about you. But that’s not how things go for me, and you can’t relate to it and it doesn’t come across as genuine, because it’s not. They’re clearly trying to project a facade of something. If they never, ever, ever make a mistake, and talk about it.
People will also ask me, sometimes when I’ll jump on a sales call with somebody, people will ask me on the phone if I can solve x problems for them. Listen, I will not bullshit you, and try to make you believe that I’m something that I’m not. Because I refuse to step to step outside of my zone of genius for services somebody is paying me for. Because I don’t want anyone to ever pay me for something that I actually know nothing about. And then it’s like the blind leading the blind, and then what are they paying me for? That’s not fair. I would rather redirect them to somebody who is in their zone of genius with that particular area. And if that means I lose money, I would rather that the customer be happy, that the client be happy. Because I mean really, that’s just karma if you take somebody’s money for something that you don’t actually know how to do, and then you just, you know, take their money and disappear. That is not okay. And it’s a fine line, right? Because all of us will experience a degree of imposter syndrome and stuff like. But ultimately, you know the difference, you know the difference, you know, if somebody asked me to run their brick and mortar business for them, or to manage all their social media content or build them some get rich quick pyramid scheme or help you lose weight like I am not your girl for any of those things, I am not your person, okay? That is not who I am. But if, however, you want to learn how to, you know, create real connections, use your voice to share your story to build a business that will grow and allow you to create the freedom that you want to have in your life, all while having massive positive impact. Over here whenever you’re ready. I’m here ready and waiting. Like that is what I’m here for. But sometimes, you see, I will see coaches who will kind of try to mold them to whatever a potential client needs them for. And I’m like you’re making you’re making a big mistake, though. Because not only is that problematic from pretending to know things that you actually don’t. But it can also be really tricky because when you’re approaching it from that way, you’re also never going to be known for one thing and when you try to be everything to everyone, you end up not being able to provide a service to the people who actually need you.
You can’t be everything to everyone no one can be. You want to stay in your zone of genius. What is it that you’re really good at? What is it that excites you, lights you up that you’re passionate about? What is it that you could get into stage and talk about for the next hour with zero prep? And if you don’t know what that thing is, are some of the people closest to you? Because I guarantee you that, I know for a fact that there’s something that you are so good at that you might actually even just be blind to your own abilities too. That happened to me with podcasting and business coaching. I was still stuck in the nutrition game and wondering why everything felt off and everything felt super hard. And I couldn’t understand why I just felt like I was slogging through mud all the time. And people kept coming to me about podcasting and business coaching. And I would light up when I would talk about it. And enough people finally said to me, you know, why aren’t you doing this for a living? Because you’re good at it. I was like, wow, I am good at it. And it gets me real, super excited. And I love talking about and that was what it took for me to make that shift. So you want to figure out your zone of genius and you want to stay in it. And when you stay in your zone of genius, it can feel hard sometimes because people will come to you where you’re like, I could technically help them figure that out. But is it yours? And of genius, because again, this is almost like a karmic thing to me, like, you will do so much better and people will actually have more respect for you and you will come across in a much more genuine way, when you acknowledge that you weren’t good at everything. But you are good at this, this one really awesome thing or you know, the set of skills. Amazing. Amazing. And people really appreciate that. You know, if somebody asked me a question that I don’t know the answer to, I will tell clients this all the time. Like if you ask me a question, I don’t know the answer to. I will do everything in my power to find the answer for you. And if that also means referring you out to somebody else who is better able to answer that for you, then that is what I will do if that is what will serve you the most because it has to come down to service and value and what you were offering the person who is approaching you. People can sense that. That is what is genuine, that is what people. That’s what makes people be able to tell if you were genuine or not.
Can you teach people how to be genuine? This is a question that I recently asked my friend Jade Teta on a podcast interview, and I loved his response. I’m going to reference he’s been on the podcast twice now. I don’t bring guests back for repeat episodes very often. But he is one of the rare few. And he’s one of my favorite guests. I just adore him on the podcast in real life, he’s just a sweetheart. So I asked him, Do you think that you can teach people to be more genuine? And I loved his response to it and he had some really interesting thoughts and some of the things that I came up with when I was thinking about putting this episode together was to like yourself. Like seriously, quit fucking around wishing that you were somebody else or that you had somebody else’s life or skills or experiences you have been gifted with a whole set of those things completely unique to you. And if you’re wasting those gifts and too busy constantly comparing yourself to everyone else around you and on the internet, you’re going to be stuck spinning your wheels for a long time. You have to figure out how to like yourself, to get to know yourself. And then it’s going to be really easy to show up in a genuine way. Because you won’t know anything different. You’re not going to be trying to be somebody else because you like yourself, why would you want to show up as somebody else that can also feel scary too, especially if you’ve been showing up in a way that isn’t true to you for a long time. That can feel very nerve wracking and very vulnerable. Because that’s when the fear of judgment comes up. So I fully acknowledge that it’s not as easily done as it is discussed. But I think that that’s something that you really need to examine. If you weren’t showing up in a genuine way people can tell if you aren’t showing up in a genuine way, why aren’t you showing up in a genuine way? That’s my question.Because it probably means that you were trying to show up as a different version of yourself that you think that somebody else might like more than the real you. So you need to unpack that.
The other thing is to stop regurgitating other people’s shit. Yes, the argument can absolutely be made, that all of us are basically kind of, you know, just sort of recycling the ideas of others in new ways. But there’s differences between that and actually forming complete sentences that are a collection of your own thoughts based upon what you’ve learned from a variety of others. It’s kind of like you know, take what you want and leave the rest. This has been coming up in conversation, various conversations with people around me a lot lately, where it’s sort of like okay, you know, we learn from a variety of different people, you know, different coaches, different books, different resources, podcasts, whatever. And it’s not that we are going to exactly copy what somebody else, you know, every single ideal that somebody else has. But we take the thoughts and the ideas and whatever that someone has, and then we leave the stuff that doesn’t really resonate with us as much. And then we go to another resource, and we pick up a few things from them. And all of these, these experiences of resources helped to mold and shape us into who we are. But that doesn’t mean that then you just sit there and you know, like, regurgitate the exact sentence that somebody else gave you, at least if you do, credit them, okay? But you need to be able to sit down and write a complete thought of your own based on what you have learned. Get quiet, as well. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but get quiet. Allow yourself moments of stillness to actually get in touch with who you are. And if you’re terrified of the silence. You need more of it? What are you running from? I knew someone who could never be alone, could never be alone can never be quiet without music on or the TV running or anything. And I said to that person, what are you running from? What are you so terrified of? What is it about silence, that scares the shit out of you. So if you find yourself terrified of silence, you need more silence. Because you’ll never be able to find out who you really are, if you’re always drowning it out with noise. And I want you to diversify and expand who you’re learning from as well. Now he’s talking about, you know, different coaches and podcasts and all of that stuff. And yes, this 100% includes making a conscious effort to learn from people who don’t look like you. I was recently reminded to take a look at my bookshelf filled with business and personal development books, and I realized that nearly everything single author was White. That’s not okay. That is not okay. And that is so limiting. That is incredibly limiting to only learn from people who look exactly like you. I’m missing out on so much we all are. If for any of us who are only learning from people who look exactly like us, we are missing the boat. We’re missing out on so much incredible information and new fresh ideas, different ways of doing things that we’ve never thought of before. We need to diversify.
I also want you to learn to trust yourself to be able to handle whatever comes up including managing your own reactions when somebody doesn’t like how you show up as your genuine self. Say bye to them. See ya. Peace out later. If they can’t handle you, when you’re showing up as your genuine self, they were never the right person for you to begin with. And I guarantee you that, you know if it’s fresh right now, and if it hurts or whatever, you’re almost experiencing grief from a relationship of any kind being severed because you started to show up as the true version of yourself and that other person didn’t like it. Yes, that can be hard initially. But ultimately you are going to look back on that and realize that it opened you up to far better, deeper, more genuine connections with other people who do appreciate you for who you are. And I’m not saying that it’s not a hard process sometimes because it absolutely can be when you start showing up as the true version of yourself and other people don’t like you, that stinks. That really stinks. And that’s everyone’s biggest fear. That’s why people don’t show up in a genuine way is because that is what we are ultimately terrified of. But that has to be the price that you’re willing to pay. Because if you don’t pay that price, you’re going to end up surrounded by people. People that you have never felt lonely or with because you know that they don’t know the real you and you will end up feeling misunderstood and unseen and unheard. And all of those things and you’ll think this is it. I don’t want that for you. I want you to be able to trust yourself enough to handle what will happen and the shit that might hit the fan. When you start showing up as your genuine self. It is a lot easier to let people fall away when you’re comfortable and confident in your own skin. Truly, and it makes it so much easier to trust that the right people will be able to find you. Because the wrong people were never going to buy from you anyway. Like if we’re talking about this from a business perspective, the wrong people we’re never going to buy from you. So what does it matter if they unfollow you if they defend you if they you know walk away in real life, whatever they were never your people either on a personal or professional level so don’t waste a lot of time grieving over that because they were never right, they were never right for you. And if you have a little bit of patience and if you trust yourself if you trust the process enough you will be able to see that there that has now made space for the right people to come in.
I dated a guy years and years ago back in university and again it’s so interesting that so the notes for this episode just came to me in like a single download. I was out for a walk. And I’ve been thinking about this episode and all of a sudden, all the ideas and and and main points that I just had came flooding into me and I whipped up my Notes app and I wrote it all down. And for some reason this particular story popped into my head is that this guy I dated years ago back in university, he had suffered a major concussion so this story happened before he and I met, he had suffered a major concussion, I think he’d been like 18-19, something like that. And he ended up with complete amnesia of his entire life up until this fall. So the only memories that he had from his life were from after his concussion. And he was like 18-19 years old. So he was missing, like his entire life up to that point. And when he woke up from, he ended up like in a coma from the concussion, all that when he woke up, as he started to learn more about the person he’d become, he realized that he didn’t like who he was, and how he had been behaving, how he’d been, you know, showing up how he had been behaving with with some people up until that point. So he decided to become the person that he wanted to be. And honestly, he was one of the kindest, nicest guys I’ve ever met to this day. And after he recovered from his fall and stuff like that he ended up traveling the world for a few months. And all of a sudden he was sitting on top of a pyramid, I can’t remember if it was like Jordan or Egypt or one of those. He was sitting on top of a pyramid, and his memories of his entire life came flooding back to him in a single moment. And, you know, it’s just an incredible story and he was just lovely. I’ve lost touch with them. So he’s still floating around out there so far, but he was just always so lovely. And what struck me has always struck me the most about his story was that even though all of his memories ended up coming back, he had already taken that time in between and turned himself into who he wanted to be. And it was completely genuine. He created the truest version of himself. And I just really want to stress you have choices. You choose how you show up, and even if you haven’t been, you know, even if you feel as though you maybe haven’t been a super genuine person up until this point, it doesn’t mean that you weren’t capable of forming yourself into somebody new.
Dr. Jade talks about that in both of my episodes with him as well. Again, I’ll reference both of them in the show notes. It’s Episode 17, and Episode 205. And he gets into that a little bit in both of those episodes. And genuine is also going to mean that you fucked up along the way, that you make mistakes, but that you stay humble and that you learn from those mistakes as well. It’s going to mean that you admit when you make mistakes, that you allow people to see that you’re human to it, rather than just preaching at them from that pedestal we talked about. And it has never been more important to show up in a genuine way. Because all of the bullshit is being pulled away, and we’re only six months into 2020. So I can’t imagine what’s gonna happen for the next six months. So if you don’t get your shit together, it’s showing up in a more genuine way. If you aren’t already, it’s going to be really hard for you moving forward. And if you are somebody who shows up in a genuine way, I guarantee you that people are paying attention. And people are noticing. And you are going to start to if you feel as though that hasn’t gone to your advantage up until this point, I think you’re going to see see that start to shift massively this year, massively, and people are really starting to look for and appreciate that genuine quality and people and people are also able to sniff it out much faster. And again, I think that is only going to continue to change and shift as well, because people are getting smarter. People are seeing too much bullshit and the online space, and this year has revealed far more than we ever even knew existed there before. So it’s fascinating to see how this is all transforming us as humans, as business owners, as entrepreneurs, as how we show up in the online space, and this is a massive reckoning in innumerable ways.So I want you to show up as you and I promise that that is going to pay off. It’s just a matter of patience.
Okay, thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate it. Feel like I was extra fired up about this one. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to let me know if you know somebody in your life that needs to hear this. And if there is something about this episode that particularly resonated with you I’d be so grateful if you would take a screenshot and share it on social media tag me. I’m over @emilygoughcoach. I would love to thank you in real life for listening as well. And I just have got some really cool stuff coming up for you. I’m really excited because this year has not gone at all how I expected. I think it’s safe to say we all feel that way. But I’ve got some really amazing stuff coming up. And I’m just really excited to share more and to dive deeper into some big topics with you. Okay, thank you so much for listening.
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