The Need for Closure is An Inside Job

emilygough Mental Health, Mindset (Podcast), Podcast, Relationships

If you’re like most people, you’ve tried to find closure at one point or another in your life.  Whether it’s the ending of a relationship, being ghosted, losing a friendship unexpectedly or perhaps a job, we seek closure so that we can try to find ways to move on.

But it’s easier said than done.

Closure has come up a LOT for me this year, both in my own personal life and lately, with many of the people closest to me who are struggling to find their own closure as well.

Part of the issue is that we often look outside of ourselves for closure.  We search for it in the very people who hurt us, because we want to better understand.  We think that the understanding will grant us the closure we so desperately crave. 

The thing is, we need to re-examine how we look for closure, because what we often realize is that we can be given all of the answers in the world to try to better understand a situation, but it doesn’t mean that understanding will buy us closure.

We write stories in our heads of how certain conversations would go.  The questions we would demand answers to, the anger or rage that we want to let loose on the person or people who caused us pain, we want to understand what went wrong, what we could have done differently, or what we did to drive someone away. 

Here’s the better question: Does it really matter? And are those conversations actually going to make you feel any better?  

I’m excited to explore this one with you today – let’s do this!

 

REFERENCES

Room to Grow Podcast episode #117, The 9 Year Affair: Lessons in Infidelity

Room to Grow Podcast episode #126, Forgiveness Isn’t Found, It’s Earned

Room to Grow Podcast episode #129, Liespotting: Detecting Deception in Everyday Life

Room to Grow Podcast episode #138, The Weight of Expectations & Attaching to Outcomes

“The need for closure” by social psychologist Arie Kruglanski

 

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