This has been a YEAR. I think we can all agree that challenging is a kind word to refer to 2020, but we made it through. Now it’s time to reflect and leave behind all the shit we don’t want to carry forward with us – because if not now, then when?
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Hey, Hey, welcome back to the Room to Grow podcast, Emily here and today this episode is airing on December 31, of 2020. We’re on the eve of 2021 and this has been a year. I think we can all agree it’s been a fucking year, wildly unexpected. It just kept giving in very unusual and unexpected, I’m trying to tiptoe around the word unprecedented because that word has been very overused. Between unprecedented and pivot, I think we’ve closed the door on those two words for a little while anyway, we need a little bit of break from those. But it’s funny, I’ve been seeing memes floating around about you know, nobody should be saying that 2021 is their year, just walk in quietly, don’t touch anything, just tiptoe your way in. We’re a little bit nervous about what might be next. But it’s fine. We’ve made it through an incredibly, incredibly challenging and and for some people devastating year in a variety of different ways. That said, there has been a huge amount of growth that has come out of this year, certainly. And we’re going to be talking about some things that I personally plan on leaving behind in 2020. And hopefully you can get on board with some of these things as well, that you’ll be able to relate to some of these. In addition, I think that a really great related episode to check out, to kind of go hand in hand with this one is Episode 238. I released it on my birthday, my annual birthday episode. And it’s all about 20 things that are not worth postponing in life. So 20 things that you should not postpone in life, partly because this year has taught us some lessons about that in some really significant ways. So I do strongly recommend going to check out Episode 238 as well.
And additionally, before we dive into this episode in full, I want to remind you that the Room to Grow Mastermind is starting on January 18, 2021. So that is coming up very quickly if you’re listening to this episode in real time, and the entire reason why I started the mastermind was to really go deeper into the work that I do on this podcast. Because I just feel that so many of us and I have often been guilty of this and up with information overload and then not actually applying and implementing what I learned. And I’ve just felt so strongly pulled to take what I teach on this podcast, and teach it on a deeper level. Because there’s only so much I can do on a podcast episode. I want to be able to connect with people more deeply. I want to be able to coach you in real time through real life issues as they are coming up for you not just to be able to speak into your earbuds which is just an incredible gift that never gets old. But I want to be able to go deeper with you on that. And honestly, again after the year we’ve had, if not now then when? When is it going to be time to make some really big changes in your life, to start to create the life that you have barely allowed yourself to dream about. And that doesn’t have to mean by the way, packing up a suitcase and moving to the other side of the world. I think when I say that people assume that I’m trying to project my rather unusual and unconventional life choices on to them. That is not the right choice for many people, it was for me, but that is not the right choice for many, many people. If you want more about my personal story, you can check out Episode 240 where I did a bit of a recap of who I am and what I do and how this podcast and the mastermind itself have also sort of come to be. What we’re going to be teaching in the mastermind are ways to deepen your connections with other people, and with yourself to really lean in to the hard conversations, to start making the choices that reflect what you want your life to actually look like. As opposed to just wondering if this is all there is. And learning better boundaries, how to communicate better, how to show up with more compassion, forgiveness, trust, all of these really incredible things that are going to help to make your life the way you want it to look, the way that you have always kind of maybe had it in the back of your head that it might look but it takes work to get there and it takes some hard conversations and some tough choices sometimes to make that vision come to life. So that’s what we’re going to be doing in the Room to Grow Mastermind. So go over there, check that out, all the links are in the show notes. You can also book a call with me to chat about it more. I’m happy to do that. So let me know. And I’m over @emilygoughcoach on Instagram, if you want to just pop into the DMs and we can have a chat over there too.
Okay, let’s dive into things to leave behind in 2020. First and foremost, not wasting time or procrastinating on the shit that really matters. Because if this year has taught us anything, of many things, is that tomorrow isn’t promised. Like we don’t get the promise of more time. So why are we wasting what we are being given and I say this as a master procrastinator, master procrastinator, it is one of the things that I dislike most about myself, to be honest, because it’s stressful. And I always think to myself, no, I’m not going to do this next time, I’m not going to leave it to the last minute and still ends up happening. So in some ways, I’ve had to just cultivate some acceptance of that. And that’s fine, I can do that to a degree. But I also am just not willing to procrastinate any longer on the stuff that really really matters the most like stop waiting for life to happen for you. And instead start making the choices about what you want your life to look like moving forward and to take the action steps towards that.
Another one that I plan on leaving behind in 2020 is staying stuck and settling for less than we deserve in any area of life. And instead being highly intentional when moving forward. You know, be super intentional. Do a bit of an audit on your life like what what behavior are you tolerating from yourself or others that you are not willing to any longer, moving forward, you know, who brings you joy in your life, or what what activities bring you joy, do more of those things, be around those people more. What people or activities drain you, maybe you need to do a little bit less of that. This is going to take a lot of intention.
Waiting for others to grant us permission is the next one. I feel like I’ve spent half my life sometimes waiting for people to give me permission to do the things that I felt like I wanted to do. And leaning more into my personal strengths on this podcast is surprisingly one of them. And I again, I go into that more in Episode 240. But I am no longer waiting for others to grant me permission to do a damn thing. And you shouldn’t be either because no one is ever going to give you permission that will feel validating enough if you don’t feel that you can give yourself permission anyway, you could have all the permission slips handed to you in the world. But it won’t matter at the end of the day, if you still don’t feel like you can do it, or that you are capable of doing it. So that ultimately comes down to you regardless.
Ignoring your intuition. That is one that needs to get left behind this year. When we allow ourselves to get really still we can feel on a deep intimate level what the right decisions are for us. Even if everyone else thinks we’re completely out of our minds, we can feel when it is right for us and when it isn’t. Sometimes, at least speaking from personal experience, I don’t always like what my intuition is telling me. And I would prefer to ignore it because I want things to have a different outcome. Ultimately, we know. We know what our intuition is trying to tell us. One of the hardest punches to the face I learned about this was when I found out about my partner’s nine years of infidelity. And when I looked back I could see all the times over the years where I had felt my intuition screaming at me and I chose to ignore it and to trust instead I don’t regret that choice, those choices, but it was a really hard lesson to learn. So I go into that more In Episode 117, the whole story about the nine year affair and all that. So if you want more information, you can go check that out. But that was a very big lesson. And I’ve learned even more since then the importance of listening to our intuition.
Wasting energy on things or people who are not good for our well being. That’s something else that needs to get left behind this year, because if it disrupts your peace, it’s not worth having. And this has been a tough year. And what has been interesting is that because it’s been such a challenging year, it has given a lot of clarity in a lot of ways to what brings us peace and what disrupts our peace. So the things that disrupt your peace need to get left behind, comparing ourselves to others, this is a really hard one. This is a hard one because it’s just sort of like human nature to compare ourselves to others, but you are on your own journey. And my just incredible friend, Leah Lovely, she is the host of the spiritual shit podcast. She’s amazing, she is the most beautiful human inside and out truly, just this absolutely beautiful soul. I also had her on here on the podcast on episode 194. And she always says what’s meant for you won’t miss you. And I think that’s so beautiful. And when we take that in the context of comparing ourselves to others, it just makes things really clear that okay, you know, maybe what somebody else has, isn’t actually meant for me. Maybe there’s something that’s, that’s even more meant, for me, that’s still coming. And what’s meant for me won’t miss me. Sometimes I just repeat that to myself over and over again, I always think of Leah when I do it, but it’s just such a beautiful perspective. And yeah, that takes a lot of faith, as well. But I do think that it can be a really, really powerful shift, especially in terms of moving away from comparing yourself to other people and, and other people’s journeys.
Let’s also leave behind seeking approval and validation from others, because really, who gives a shit, life is too fucking short. Life this too fucking short. And I am done with seeking approval and validation from other people. I realized, in the past few months, that I had spent the past two years operating with worry about what a small handful of people were thinking about me, if they were closely following my work on the internet, judging me, all of these things. And I didn’t really fully realize the impact that it was having on both me as a human and on my business. And I’m done. I’m done. I’m leaving that behind. And I am not taking it with me moving into the new year. And since I started to be done with that, I have already noticed a massive shift, including the shift that is happening on this podcast. So let’s all leave behind the seeking validation from other people, okay.
Allowing a self doubt to distract you from your greater purpose and intentions. Stop assuming that you’ll fail. Stop assuming that you will fail at something that you try. Instead, ask yourself, what would happen if you succeeded? What would that look like? What would you do? And how would you show up if your success was guaranteed? You can trust yourself. And that’s ultimately what this comes down to. When we allow that self doubt to come in what we’re ultimately telling ourselves is that we don’t trust that we will survive the failure and what we believe to be inevitable failure, okay, you can trust yourself. So lean the fuck in. And even if things go wrong, you will figure it out. This is a huge part of the work that we’ll be doing inside the Room to Grow Mastermind, leading into that self trust and learning to cultivate that from within yourself. Because when you can do that, you can show up in more powerful ways than you would ever believe possible for yourself and for everyone around you, for your business for whatever it is that you want to put that towards. That self trust factor is key to your success in every area of your life. And you can learn to trust yourself, that is a skill that you can learn even if you don’t feel that way right now.
Let’s also leave behind avoidance in 2020. And I mean this on multiple different levels and in multiple different ways. So avoidance of hard conversations, avoidance of tasks we don’t really want to do even though they’re necessary that could kind of be tied in with the procrastination piece, avoidance of taking care of our physical and mental health. You know, these kinds of things happen when we allow avoidance to take over. It does nothing but harm us. And it causes unnecessary anxiety and prevents us from meeting new versions of ourselves. Plus, avoiding the task is usually way more painful than just doing the fucking task itself. We all know this, too, we’ve all experienced this, there was one year, I think, maybe two, three, four years ago, where I had been putting off gathering this gathering and sorting this massive pile of paperwork in my basement that just kept growing and growing and growing. I had been putting it off, you guys probably for two years, at least I’m not kidding. I put it off for so long. And it was so anxiety inducing that I didn’t even want to go into that room anymore in my basement. And when I finally sat down to do the task, the whole thing took me an hour. And it was not painful. I’m like, Oh my god, the amount of energy that I wasted by stressing over a simple task that took an hour while I had some music going and was like having a bit of a dance party. That was all it took. And yet I had allowed the avoidance to suck so much more energy than if I had just done the damn thing to begin with. So that avoidance piece is really, really key, let’s let’s all leave avoidance behind, okay.
Let’s also leave behind being impatient with our own journey. Whether that is the rate at which we are healing and growing, or how quickly we’re building a business, or finding that relationship we really want. Show yourself some self compassion. Because life is going to happen, shit is gonna get in the way unexpectedly sometimes. And when you notice old triggers resurfacing, that have to be dealt with before you can progress, don’t hesitate to deal with them. Because those are just going to impede you from progressing on your journey, the longer you put off dealing with your own healing, that’s going to prevent you from getting to where you want to go. And we all have triggers come up, we all have more healing to do, all of these things. That’s part of the journey. And a lot of times we can get really impatient with ourselves. It’s like, Okay, why am I not over this? Okay, I thought I passed this, like what is the deal? So and so moved on from this so much faster than I did doesn’t matter. You’re on your own journey. So eyes in your own paper, and show yourself a little bit compassion there that you are doing the best that you can right now.
Not asking for help. Let’s also leave that behind. Because no one does life alone. No one. I’ve learned that lesson more than ever this year. And I can tell you with certainty, I would not have made it through this year, without the support of practically an entire team of people both personally and professionally. Coaches, mentors, a therapist, close friends, new friends, old friends, family members, like we all need help sometimes, we all need help sometimes and nobody does life alone. And a lot of times, the longer we put off asking for help, the more we suffer. And what’s interesting is that being able to help someone else can actually be so incredibly beautiful and fulfilling that both parties benefit. So think about it this way, sometimes you might actually be doing somebody else a disservice. I have experienced this, where somebody asked me for help. And I was having a low moment. And it actually helped me and my mental health and my sense of purpose and fulfillment so much that I was able to help them, that in a lot of ways I feel like I got the better end of the deal. And I’ve had multiple people do that for me this year as well where I’ve reached out for help. And they have helped me in a really significant way. And afterwards been like wow, that helps me even more than I think it helps you. And it’s such a beautiful gift. But we would never experience either side of that. If we don’t ask for help.
Not celebrating your wins and your joy. Let’s also leave that behind. I’ve been guilty of this far too many times this year of you know, not celebrating personal wins, professional wins. Not noticing joy as much if I felt like I was too focused on things that I felt like I was missing out on because we’ve been restricted in some ways this year and all those things. But when we don’t celebrate our wins and our joy, what is life without that? Really, that’s most of the meaning of our lives is being able to find the joy in those small moments. And that’s really, really important. And that can be in the smallest possible forms. So start to recognize those things happening around you. And when it comes to wins, whether it’s personal or professional, sometimes we have to think of past versions of ourselves to remember just how much we wanted that thing. And then when it happens, sometimes we’re already so focused on the next thing it’s like, okay, yeah, whatever, move on. No, we need to celebrate that shit. Do whatever you need to do, pop the bubbly, you know, call for an excitement, go dance around, whatever you need to do, take a moment to, to really like feel that and breathe that in. That’s really, really important.
We’re also leaving in 2020, poor boundaries and communication with others. Because you are the one that gets hurt most from this, you have to decide what you will stand for and stick to it. And oftentimes, creating better boundaries and communication can actually cultivate deeper, stronger connections with both yourself. And with others, that is often the result of better boundaries and communication. I’m not saying that those things are easy to do. Because boundaries and communication are two of the things that most people I talk to struggle with the most. That’s why there’s going to be such a focus on those two things in the Room to Grow Mastermind, as well. And we’re going to be going deep into that, to really start to learn how to create better boundaries and communication in our lives, to have better connections with others. So, so important.
And the last thing that I will mention about what we’re leaving in 2020 is hanging on to what is no longer serving you. Whether it’s a relationship, a business idea, or something else, learning to cultivate a practice in letting go and detaching from the outcome can be simultaneously one of the hardest, but one of the most incredible gifts you can give yourself. Stop trying to force things that are not meant for you. Because it only serves to prevent you from attaining what’s really yours was meant for you won’t miss you, right. And a lot of times what this means is releasing control. And that’s hard. That’s really hard. detaching from outcomes. And releasing that sense of control is so much easier said than done, especially when our hearts are on the line, when it’s something like a relationship or, you know, something in your business that is so near and dear to your heart, especially if you are like a solo solopreneur. A lot of those things feel so wrapped up and tied up into our own identities, that it can be really difficult to let go of that. But it’s going to serve you far better in the long term.
So those are just some of the things that I am leaving behind in 2020. I would love to hear what some of yours are. So let me know, send me a message over @emilygoughcoach on Instagram. I’d love to hear from you. And don’t forget about the Room to Grow Mastermind. So we are starting January 18 2020. And we’re going to be diving into so many incredibly powerful things. And just really leaning into a lot of the lessons that will help you to grow into the best possible version of yourself, to have better relationships to feel more seen and understood to help to create that life that you want for yourself, whatever that looks like for you. Okay, so thank you so much for listening, we’ll be back soon!