We’re human beings. Which means that inevitably we are going to both need to apologize at times, and be deserving of an apology at other points.
And we often fuck it up royally.
Not to worry, I’ve got you covered in this episode!
Some examples of how *not* to apologize:
One of my least favourite ways to hear people so-called apologize:
“I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry if I offended you”
For a genuine, sincere apology: you have to mean what you say. Intention matters here.
A true apology means genuine care, taking accountability, identifying the mistake, followed by changed behaviour – and sustaining that change, to the best of your abilities.
You have to be willing to change your behaviour, to grow and learn from the experience.
This requires empathy, compassion and understanding how the other person feels, especially based on their unique history and biography.
Plus, it’s very important to fully understand exactly WHY you are apologizing. This is why communication is so important. If you don’t understand why you’re apologizing, you shouldn’t be apologizing at all.
If you don’t understand why you’re apologizing, you shouldn’t be apologizing at all.
True apologies are HARD.
They require us to take full and total responsibility for our actions. We have to acknowledge we’ve done something wrong while also knowing that we can do better.
When we hang onto a deep belief of needing to be right, we close ourselves off from intimacy.
When we can acknowledge and own up to our mistakes, however, it creates connection. It’s a reminder that we are all humans who make mistakes, and that act of vulnerability and courage give way to deeper connection.
“When you offer an apology from a place of shame and panic rather than self-reflection and remorse, what you’re seeking is absolution, not forgiveness.”
-Dr. Alexandra Soloman
Questions? Comments? Want to connect and chat about this episode? You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, or DM me over on Instagram @emilygoughcoach or Facebook at Emily Gough Coaching. I would absolutely love to connect with you and thank you for listening in real life and here any takeaways you had from this or other episodes!. It makes me day to see you listening to the podcast and fills me up with pure joy. Seriously. See you on the ‘gram!
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