Taming Your Inner Mean Girl: Building Connection and Tribe

July 24, 2018

Before we dive into today’s episode, the bi-monthly book club read in the Room to Grow Podcast Facebook Group for July/August is Lori Harder’s A Tribe Called Bliss, and in honour of the book I’m inviting amazing women to give talks each week exclusively in the Facebook group so that we can all learn, grow and support each other.

Join the group here to catch all the extra bonuses, live chats with me, and sneak peeks at what’s coming up next! 


Strong female friendships never felt like they were in the cards for me.  I was bullied by girls in school, particularly middle school, and kind of gave up on the idea of having a group of close female friends.  I would tell myself that girls were catty, overly dramatic, or that “they” would look for reasons to bring each other down rather than support one another.

One thing I can say with certainty is how much my worldview of friendships with other women has shifted over the past two years.

In today’s episode, I’m giving you some of my personal history with female friendships, how I started to think differently about them and what changes you can make in your own life to open yourself up to creating deep bonds and connections that will see you through the good times and the bad.

Because here’s the thing: when we lift someone else up, we lift all of us up, including ourselves.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past 2 years, it’s that collaboration over competition has more benefits than you can imagine.  None of us are here to do things alone. 

Some of the main takeaways from the episode:

1.Be Open

Not only to give to others, but to receive from others as well.  I’ve always felt uncomfortable sharing things I’m struggling with because I don’t want to be a downer or trouble anyone else, and A Tribe Called Bliss talks about that as well.  But that vulnerability is where true connection is built; be open to that connection, even when it might seem a bit scary.

2. Give generously, support each other.

Giving your time, your energy and your support to lift one another up is the greatest gift, and it is one that keeps on giving.  When we give to others, we’re also giving to ourselves at the same time and filling our own cups too.

3. Assume the best in people

Sometimes we have a tendency to make worst-case assumptions, and jump to conclusions about someone else, especially a female.  If we made the decision to look for the best in people and give each other the benefit of the doubt, we would be so much better off.  No one loses when we show others kindness.  

Want Better Answers?  Ask Better Questions.

Asking better questions is something I’m constantly in pursuit of as a coach, podcaster and human.  There are too many times when an entire conversation consists of something along the lines of, “how are you?” “I’m good.” End of conversation.  

We can do better.  Real connection is built on sharing a piece of yourself, allowing yourself to get a little bit vulnerable and open up to someone else.

One question I picked up from The Coaching Habit is “what’s on your mind?”

This immediately opens a door that will stimulate others and give much greater opportunity for better answers, more in-depth conversations, and significantly better connection with others.

I’m challenging you to use that question to open the door to conversations that just might change your life.


Other notes below about references made during the episode, and if you can leave a review while you’re over on iTunes, it would mean so much!  I read every single one and they mean the world to me.

See you in the Facebook group!


Books Referenced:

The Coaching Habit, by Michael Bungay Stanier

A Tribe Called Bliss by Lori Harder


Incredible Women to Follow: 

Christina Montalvo at The Confidence Project Podcast

Lisa Carpenter

Episode #25 of Fit & Nourished Mind Podcast: Perfectionism, Self Trust and When Life and Nutrition Meet with Lisa Carpenter



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