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This is Not the End of Your Book: Dealing with Tough Seasons

Lack of motivation, mental, emotional, & physical exhaustion are all side effects we face when dealing with trauma.  That’s really what this is right now isn’t it? A global trauma. But has anyone told you it’s totally ok to be feeling all those feels?

Because it is, it’s all completely normal, and it’s time to be gentle with yourself if you ARE feeling any and all of this right now. 

Today I’m sharing a few of the ways I get through hard things, just like what we are all experiencing right now. My hope is that some of these resonate with you, or are able to help you through a hard minute, hour, day or week.

I’ve also dropped a link below for a live and interactive workshop I am offering on Thursday, April, 30th! I’d love to see you there, so don’t forget to click the link below and sign up for that.

Finally; my new collaborative podcast with my internet bestie Sarah Swain is LIVE!  The WTF is Happening Podcast dropped its first episode this past week and it is awesome.  It’s us, completely raw & unfiltered.  We would love for you to check it out, subscribe, and leave us a review, and we will see you every single Wednesday for WTF Wednesday’s so make sure you check it out!

Don’t Forget I’ll be going live on Instagram & Facebook every single day at 8am ET until the global pandemic / quarantine / isolation is over, whenever that may be. Come join me over there!!

Want to check out the episodes/people/ & offerings I referenced in today’s episodes?  Find them all here:

Questions?  Comments? Want to connect and chat about this episode? You can email me at info@emilygoughcoaching.com, or DM me over on Instagram @emilygoughcoach or Facebook at Emily Gough Coaching.  I would absolutely love to connect with you and thank you for listening in real life and here any takeaways you had from this or other episodes!.  It makes me day to see you listening to the podcast and fills me up with pure joy. Seriously.  See you on the ‘gram!

If Instagram and Facebook aren’t your jam, send me a good old fashioned email!  info@emilygoughcoaching.com

Are you ready? Get listening right away by clicking the link above, or if you’re more in the mood to read today keep scrolling for the full transcription of today’s episode! Let’s do this!

Hey there, welcome back to the Room to Grow podcast, Emily here and today we’re going to be talking a little bit about why that exhaustion that you’re feeling might be normal, both physical, emotional, all those things and how to sort of get through some hard things. I’m going to share some things that I have done for myself in the past to get through hard things, how I have used that currently to get through some hard things, and some advice that I’ve given to friends when they’ve asked for it about what they can do for themselves as well. Before we get into all that, I wanted to remind you that there is a brand new podcast launched called The What the Fuck is Happening podcast, The WTF is Happening podcast when you are actually typing it in. It is available now on all the places and all the platforms, Spotify, Google, Stitcher, Apple, wherever you’re listening to this podcast, the new podcast is available. So it is a brand new podcast I’ve launched with my co host Sarah Swain , my very dear friend, my business coach, we just have an absolute blast, and we’re giving you a very unfiltered view on life, behind the scenes of business, and what is happening in the world right now. It’s really been such a fun project for us to put together, and we are just finding that this entire experience has really allowed us to see that. At least for myself, I was being a little bit more filtered than I thought I was, and for anyone who listens to this podcast Room to Grow, I don’t think I am that filtered. But what this whole situation that we’re in collectively kind of did was it shone a light on some things that I think I have been more filtered about and I’m done with that. So I’m pulling back the curtain, you’re getting the full view and the podcast over there is the place to start with that. We also just have a blast putting it together, there’s lots of laughing, there’s lots of things that you have likely never learned or found out about me before, so I would go check that out. We’re super pumped about it, and I can’t wait for you to listen. 

Additionally, if you are listening to this in real time, today is Thursday, April 30, of 2020 and I am holding a live podcasting workshop this evening at 7:30pm Eastern. This is going to be unlike anything I’ve ever offered before, this is not a webinar, this is a super interactive, bring all of your questions and get ready to do some work type of situation. I’m really, really excited about it. This is going to help you to actually get started, to come up with a bit of a plan so that you walk away knowing how to actually make your next move. I want this to be super tangible for you and to be able to actually give you the steps to move forward. All the information to register for all the things is listed in the show notes or jump over to roomtogrowpodcast.com and all the info will be over there. 

Okay, let’s get into today’s topic. I feel like fear is coming up, and  I’ve talked about fear many times on this podcast and what I feel like this whole situation that we’re in is, it’s bringing up a huge amount of fear. We see it in other people, we can feel it in ourselves and everything is changing so, so quickly, that it’s hard to know, you sort of just kind of have one fear. And then something else happens and some other piece of news comes out, and we’re like, what, I don’t even know what it is. We’re all feeling this way a little bit. So one thing that I want to really normalize for you, and I’ve spoken to a few people about this, you may be finding that you are exhausted and by that I mean mentally, emotionally, physically. Maybe you just kind of want to sleep all the time right now or at least more than usual, and that sense of exhaustion that you’re feeling is completely normal. It is completely normal. Because think about it. We’re dealing with so much uncertainty right now that our brains are in this constant state of trying to process everything that is happening, and how to deal with everything that is coming up and we get over one hurdle and then another one appears. There’s all kinds of stress. And we’re also trying to hold space for people around us, which I’m going to get into more in a minute. All of these different things are hitting us from all sides. The overall heaviness of it all, particularly if you are more empathic, it can kind of feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders a little bit. There’s various ways to deal with that in terms of things like being very careful about who you interact with, if you have that option, which is not always the case right now, depending on your living situation, all of that. We don’t have quite as much freedom as we typically do. I think that it’s really important to limit news as well, that can be a really important one, you can get informed quickly, without going down rabbit holes that will pull you into a negative forward feed cycle. So that’s something else that’s really crucial to remember, but I think that we just need to keep in mind that this kind of overall exhaustion that we are dealing with and feeling and experiencing on a cellular level is normal. We are undergoing trauma and there are aspects of this situation that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives. That doesn’t have to mean in a negative way, depending on how we handle it. It’s just that this situation is shaping us. It is forming us and it is imprinting upon us. And that’s a lot, that’s a lot for us to handle. So if you’re wondering why you’re maybe not as motivated and you are feeling like this heaviness, this exhaustion, any of that, I just want to completely normalize that for you. That is totally okay. That is totally normal. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with you. Okay!?

This is a favourite question of mine when people bring up the topic of, you know, “how are you doing?” And a lot of us will just drop that into conversation most of us do. It’s sort of the social etiquette, you know, “hi, how are you doing?” .That’s just sort of the automatic question that we ask people, but are we actually ever prepared for the real answer? And on the other side of that, if we’re the person being asked, are we prepared to give a real answer? It’s a two way street. Sometimes people will not be safe spaces for us and we don’t feel safe to really let people in and to give them the true answer. Sometimes they might feel like a safe space, and we open up but they aren’t prepared for the real answer. So they might be our safe space but maybe they are just not energetically ready. Maybe they’ve had a bad day themselves or they have a lot on their plate or whatever, which a lot of us are experiencing right now, where they are not able to hold that space for you. Well, maybe we just feel like we don’t want to bring anyone else down. Again, all of these are normal. These are conversations that we could have on any given day. But I think that it’s especially important right now, to really recognize that if we are able to hold space for people, it’s really important to check in on people right now. And, you know, we can take that too far. Like there have been times in the past few weeks where I’ve actually gotten overwhelmed with people messaging me and this and that, and I’m still an introvert. So even though I have barely seen humans in real life, and that kind of really makes me sad. There have been days where I’ve been so inundated with messages from people that that overwhelms me, and I’m like, Whoa, I need to put my phone down and just take a little bit of a step back, like no zoom dates today, no, no FaceTimes, I need to just take a little bit of a breather. Again, normal. I want to normalize all of this for you and kind of give you a little bit behind the scenes of what I’ve been dealing with, in the event that it might just kind of give you permission to feel better about maybe where your head’s at too if you’ve been feeling guilty or something like that. And that question about “how are you?” It is an important one to ask right now and I think that it’s never been more important to ask that question and to really mean it when you ask and you need to really mean it if you’re going to ask that question. But I also want you to still be mindful of protecting your own energy. If you are not in a good mental space yourself, if you are feeling extra exhausted, particularly overwhelmed, whatever is happening for you. Maybe that’s a sign that if you have the option, that maybe you take some time to yourself, and that you do put the phone down, halt zoom dates for a little while and just kind of take a breath. Just take a breath, because it feels like the world is spinning so fast right now that you may need to just take a step back for yourself and for your own sanity. So again, just want to put that out there. In case you need to hear that, in case you feel as though you need permission to do that, because I often end up feeling that way. When somebody reminds me of it, it’s like, ‘oh, I am allowed to do that’. So that’s what I want to provide for you by bringing this up. 

When a lot of these types of things are happening, and we’re really struggling, a quote that keeps coming to mind is one from Glennon Doyle. She has a brand new book I’ve been impatiently waiting for Amazon to deliver. I ordered it over a month ago and because of the situation we’re in, Amazon is way behind on shipping compared to what they were earlier. So delivering me a book is the least of anyone’s problems. But one of the quotes that I really love from her is ‘you can do hard things’, and if you’re having a tough time, which all of us are, you know, at one point or another lately, I want to remind you that you are capable, you’re far more capable than you think you are. You are far stronger than you think you are, you will get through things that you could not have imagined until they actually happened to you and then you have to just figure it out and deal with it. You can do this and sometimes we have to shake ourselves out of these holes that we kind of dig ourselves into. So I was talking to a friend of mine, and we were talking about doing things that kind of remind us of our own mental strength to shake ourselves out of it. So things like having the tough conversations, like ripping off the band aid and not putting it off any longer,  if you have to have a hard conversation with somebody, maybe someone that you were quarantined with or something like that. And maybe they have certain habits that are really getting to you. Or maybe you just need some personal space, something along those lines, have the conversation, stop putting it off, stop resenting them for it, stop getting frustrated with yourself, or angry with them, whatever it is, have the conversation, because it’s not going to get any easier the longer you put it off. Maybe you need to just take a cold shower, that’s actually a favourite of mine and I hate cold water as much as the next person potentially even more than the next person. But every time I take a cold shower, or do the contrast therapy or when it’s available to me, ice baths, I don’t have that available to me right now. But I suppose or something like that. I am reminded it’s almost a beautiful reminder of not only am I stronger than I think, because I know how much I hate cold water but I do it anyway, and I survive. But it also takes your mind off of everything else. So everything that is bothering you, everything that is eating away at you all that gets ripped away in an instant because all you can think about is the freezing cold water. And listen, that sounds miserable but I swear, it can actually do wonders for you, it can actually do wonders. So try taking a cold shower. It doesn’t have to be a 10 minute long, cold shower. I mean,  just like a 30 second cold shower, you’ll be like, Whoa, not only that, but you’ll also feel like a million dollars afterwards. You will hate every second of it likely when you’re in it. But afterwards, you will feel incredible. It gives you energy. There’s all kinds of benefits that we could go down in terms of digestion, sleep, stress, all of those things, which are all things that we could benefit from right now. But I’m coming at this from the more of a mental aspect of not only reminding yourself you can do hard things per Glennon Doyle, but that it will take your mind off of whatever is bothering you. Whatever issue is eating away at you. Maybe you go move your body, do a couple hill sprints or something.  Remind yourself as well that this is not the end of your book, this feeling that you’re experiencing right now when you are having a really tough time, you are not going to feel that way forever. It is not going to last forever. Part of what I reminded myself of over and over and over again, and maybe it’s just because I was thinking about the book that I’m writing about my personal experience and the infidelity. You can reference Episode 117 if you want to know more about all that, when I found out about my partner’s 9 year affair. Something I am writing a book on, it probably won’t be published for a couple of years but I started writing the book right away. And maybe it’s because of that that I created this almost mantra in my head to remind myself, this is not the end of your book. This is not the end of the book, this pain that you are experiencing right now, the depths of despair that you’re in at the moment, this is not the end of the book. This is Chapter like 17 out of 75. This is not the end, there is more to the story. So when you’re having a really tough time, remind yourself that that feeling that you’re experiencing, you will not always feel that way. And I mean, above and beyond all of this, part of what may be exhausting you is that you’re also looking around you to find the answers elsewhere. Because this is such an uncertain time because there’s so much fear, anxiety, all of this happening. You are looking for leadership, which I’ve talked about in several of the previous episodes, both with guests and a solo episode. I’ll reference some of those in the show notes for you to go check out. We’re all looking to leadership to a degree, but there’s a difference between looking to leadership just constantly looking for answers from anyone who will give them to you, and not being discerning about from whom you are seeking those answers. More importantly, what I want you to recognize is that the answers are within you and this has been a really hard lesson for me to learn.  I thought that I had learned it years ago but I just have continued to learn this lesson over and over and over again. Even more so in the last year, to stop looking to everyone and everything else for what you need. This applies to everything from happiness to business to life. Stop looking to the wrong people for advice as well. People that have never even been through what you’re experiencing or anything similar. For example, when I hire a business coach, I want to see that they’re ahead of me in some way and that they found a way to get to where I want to be, and then I want them to show me how to get there. I don’t want to look to people who have never done the thing that I’m trying to accomplish. Because they haven’t experienced it. They haven’t heard of Brene Brown, they haven’t been in that arena and that’s not what I want. I want someone who’s in the thick of it, or who has made it to the other side of it, so that they can teach me how to figure it out. Those are the kinds of answers that you can potentially look to people for. But still, always check in with yourself first, what feels right to you, what feels like the answer to you and you might have to get a little bit quiet. We’re in such a noisy world right now, that can be really hard to do but if you can find some time to yourself, easier said than done, especially if you’re a parent right now. I get it. I mean, I’m not a parent, so I don’t get it but I completely understand why that would be such a struggle right now. I can absolutely empathize, let’s put it that way. But I want you to, maybe find, you know, five minutes of just calm and quiet. The more you practice that, the easier it is going to be to tune in with your intuition and to be able to figure out the answers for yourself rather than looking to everybody else, because what’s right for somebody else is not necessarily what’s right for you. The faster you figure that out, the quicker you’re going to be able to get to the solution that you need. The answers are within you, I want you to continue to repeat that to yourself over and over and over again, the answers are within you. You don’t have to keep looking externally for all the answers. There are tools out there, there are resources, there are incredible people that have been through things that can help us get to the other side of tough situations. But ultimately, you already have everything you need within you. I also want you to take your power back and stop waiting for life to start back up because I keep hearing kind of this thing that people keep repeating about, you know, when when life goes back to normal I’ll do x, when this happens and all of those types of things, you’re waiting for things to happen, you’re waiting for life to happen to you, instead of creating the life that you need for yourself. I have more to say on this in a minute, but I say that with a huge amount of compassion and empathy for anyone who is currently experiencing circumstances that you did not ask for that you do not deserve and that you didn’t want. I mean, we’re all experiencing that to some degree, but there are extremely varying degrees of that. There are people who are in dire hardship right now, dire hardship, and that is not okay. I have a huge amount of compassion, so much compassion, My heart hurts for anyone who is dealing with that right now. But there are still always some choices that all of us can make. Even if it’s just the mental switch, that we’re going to decide to take our power back, and to stop waiting for life to start back up again. Because life as we knew it before, is not going to look the same. On the other side of this, there’s going to be a completely new normal that we don’t even know or recognize yet.

We have no idea what life is going to look like on the other side of this and we also don’t know when any of this is going to end. It could be a year, a year and a half. I mean, there are so many different factors here that we simply can’t predict. Nobody has the answers to that. And how long do you want to wait for life to start back up again? Because whatever is happening right now, it’s happening. This is real life that we’re in right now, and you’ve made it this far. So why are you stopping now? You, I’m going to say it again, you are so much more capable than you realize and you’re so much stronger than you’ve ever believed yourself to be. But if you remain stuck in old expectations of what your life should have been right now or what it should be in the future, and start asking what beautiful new expectations, you can replace them with. You have nothing to lose right now. A lot of us have nothing to lose right now.I mean, I say that with the caveat that yes, of course there are all kinds of situations that we’re in that we’re having to protect ourselves in various ways, both health wise and otherwise. But ultimately, this is going to be a new start for some people, that they’re going to make the choice to make this a new start for them. Part of this is having patience, of course, and trusting this process and whatever is happening. Listen, that’s just something that serves me, that is not the right fit for everyone, you know, you can try that on for size and if that feels good to you, and if it helps you, amazing, that is not something that’s going to serve everyone and I completely recognize that. When I remind myself of that, when I tell myself that, it lends me a great deal of strength when I feel as though I’m really struggling on a harder day. So I’m all for people, you know, adopting what they need to kind of create their own faith in themselves, and potentially in some sort of higher power, whatever that looks like for you. I just kind of tend to lean into this idea that trusting the process and trusting the journey, and that there’s something different waiting for me on the other side of this, and then there’s going to be something after that again, and it’s all very uncertain. very uncertain, which is not, it’s extremely unsettling. But sometimes when I tell myself to, and remind myself to, just trust the process. And that comes from a place of deep privilege, of course, absolute privilege, I cannot acknowledge my privilege enough in all kinds of different ways, from everything from the color to my skin, to the fact that I have enough money in my bank account to get by that I have a roof over my head, all of these types of things, that’s just scratching the surface of my privilege. So I need to make that exceptionally clear, that when I am able to say to myself that I’m trusting this process, that I am saying that as a person of privilege, but that is just something that I find helps me to get through some really hard days. Most of all, I think that part of this is going to be letting go of what we kind of planned, to see what unfolds instead, and to be open to even the tiniest possibility of what good can come from this situation. And I am not mincing words here, some things are gonna really fucking suck. And some things are just plain hurt or devastating or any of these different emotions that people are going through, people are losing loved ones, people are losing their livelihoods. There’s so many different aspects to this. I am absolutely not telling you to go searching for all the bright sides or silver linings right now, because that just feels like bullshit. And that may be the absolute wrong time to have that kind of conversation. It might be a very long time before you’re able to step back and see even some of those things. And the pain and hardship that some people are going through right now is extremely, extremely real. But I just wanted to do this episode to remind you that you are able to continue writing new chapters of your book that you aren’t always going to feel this fearful and this uncertain and this anxious, those feelings are not going to last forever. You are going to be able to find your way out of it. Sometimes it’s just going to take this really extreme hardship, to build the strength that is going to be required to get to the next part of your dream. And, yeah, I feel as though sometimes with this whole situation as though I almost don’t know what to say and that I’m showing up wrong, and that it’s tough sometimes to show up right now. I think that anyone, especially anyone in the online space who is very visible or anything like that, I think a lot of people are feeling that way. Because we’re all just kind of crashing around like bulls in china shops, trying to figure this out and doing it in a very visible public space where any of our potential mistakes are laid out clear for anyone to see and all of the things that go with that. But I also think that it’s an enormous gift that I have a platform like this, to be able to offer something, you know, some word of hope or some tiny tool that may help you get through a tougher day, anything along those lines. That is what I want and I’m always showing up from a place of service. So I’m not going to do everything right. I’m not always going to say the right things, I never will but especially in this particular situation, I just hope that this can maybe give you even a little nudge into a different direction. Something that will help to maybe brighten your day or to help give you a tool that will snap you out of a really, really hard day. Whatever that looks like. I hope that I’m able to provide that for you. And if there is anything that you want me to cover, if you have any comments if you have any questions if you need support in some way, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me I’m over @emilygoughcoach on Instagram. You can also always email me info@emilygoughcoaching.com and again, I just want to remind you that you are stronger and more capable than you think you are. I know that’s like the second or third time I’ve said this just in this episode alone but that is a reminder that I have needed myself in really hard times before and that I have had to remind myself of in these times as well,  I just want to give that to you as hopefully a tool that you can use and benefit from as well. 

Okay, so don’t forget about the brand new podcast over at The What the Fuck is Happening Podcast. Go check that out. Again, it’ll all be listed in the show notes and we’re just having a blast over there. Really, really like raw, honest conversations. And then the podcasting live workshop that is happening tonight if you’re listening to this in real time as well, at 7:30pm. Eastern, it’s not too late, on Thursday, April 30. Again, if you’re listening in real time, if you’re not, I apologize. But I will have more podcasting resources coming your way. So make sure to jump over to my website and you can go start stocking up on some resources and you will be the first to know when the next workshop is coming up. I will drop it straight into your inbox. Okay. Thanks so much for listening, guys. Be back on Tuesday.

 

Don’t Forget I’ll be going live on Instagram & Facebook every single day at 8am ET until the global pandemic / quarantine / isolation is over, whenever that may be. Come join me over there!!

Want to check out the episodes/people/ & offerings I referenced in today’s episodes?  Find them all here:

BRAND NEW EPISODES EVERY TUESDAY & THURSDAY

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