You’re Not Needy, You’re a Human with Needs

April 13, 2021

I told this to a friend going through some difficulties in her relationship months ago when she was wondering if she was asking for too much from her partner, and it’s something I’ve had to remind myself in various types of relationships over the years.

You are not too much. You have needs, and if we avoid or sidestep communicating those needs for fear of losing the person, we’re actually being incredibly dishonest to both ourselves and the person we’re hoping will magically be able to meet those needs without even knowing what we want.

And if they can’t meet those needs even after reasonable, respectful and open communication? Then perhaps they weren’t meant to stay in your life to begin with.

Amir Levine says in his book Attached, “most people are only as needy as their unmet needs.”

Would you rather stay silently in a relationship where resentment is constantly building because you aren’t communicating what you need out of a sense of fear?

Or face showing up for yourself and letting the chips fall?

There is no right or wrong answer here. It’s up to you, and you get to choose what feels best for you. But I’ll you that the second option requires much more self trust and innately knowing that you will be able to survive either way.

And it also requires knowing and accepting that you cannot manage or control the reaction of the other person.

Ask me a question – I’ll use this for future podcast episodes!


Next Level Human Podcast, episode #88: Maturity in Romantic Relationships with Dr. Jade Teta & Emily Gough

Episode #241, How to Have Hard Conversations & Improve Communication

Episode #254, Forgive Yourself for Shrinking Into Spaces That Do Not Fit You

Episode #139, The Transformative Power of Breathwork with Sara Silverstein

Episode #263, The Value in Being Alone on Purpose (Whether Single or in a Relationship)

Episode #130, Cancer, Depression & Strength: A Powerful Story of Hope & Resilience with Tom McClelland

Questions?  Comments? Want to connect and chat about this episode? You can email me at, or DM me over on Instagram @emilygoughcoach or Facebook at Emily Gough Coaching.  I would absolutely love to connect with you and thank you for listening in real life and here any takeaways you had from this or other episodes!.  It makes me day to see you listening to the podcast and fills me up with pure joy. Seriously.  See you on the ‘gram!

If Instagram and Facebook aren’t your jam, send me a good old fashioned email!


Find Emily Online:

Emily Gough Coaching

Room to Grow Podcast


This is where it all starts. Your FREE foundational guide to understanding yourself in whole new ways that will re-frame and completely shift how you approach relationships.



Step into your strength. Reclaim your power. Allow yourself to be truly seen.

© 2023 emily gough | all rights reserved | Brand + website by madison kabrich

Create the kind of relationships that make your entire nervous system breathe a sigh of relief as you think to yourself, “this is what it’s supposed to feel like.”