Connection Over Control: Where Are You Faking It in Your Relationship?

June 9, 2021

“When we’re faking anything, it’s an attempt to exercise control. Over the other person, over the imagined outcome, or over ourselves when we’re ignoring our true feelings or experience in a relationship.”

Control blocks connection and sometimes we may not even realize that we’re doing it.

This can show up in a variety of different ways, including things like:

-Trying to mold ourselves into someone or something we’re not in order to maintain the relationship

-Faking orgasms and/or making things all about the other person’s pleasure and experience

-Saying it doesn’t matter where you eat for dinner and then being disappointed when the other person picks a place you don’t like, but you still stay silent

-“Going with the flow” rather than stating your needs

And a WIDE variety of other ways.

Sometimes we try to control things in an effort to grow closer to someone, but ironically, the control piece actually destroys connection and has the complete opposite effect that we want it to.

Even if it’s not explicit, we can FEEL in our bodies when someone is exerting control over us in a way that we have not consented to. There’s an energy to it that’s undeniable once we start paying attention.

We’re unpacking all of this on today’s episode.

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EPISODE #87: People Pleasing is Dishonest: The Dangers of Being Agreeable

EPISODE #138: The Weight of Expectations & Attaching to Outcomes

EPISODE #267: You’re Not Needy, You’re a Human with Needs

EPISODE #220: What Self-Betrayal Looks Like

EPISODE #208: Self-Integrity & Keeping Promises to Yourself

EPISODE #270: Cultivating a Deep Sense of Self Worth

EPISODE #136: Communication, Betrayal, Infidelity & Self-Esteem with Renelle Nelson

EPISODE #239: Communication: The Lubrication for Relationships with Renelle Nelson

EPISODE #241: How to Have Hard Conversations & Improve Communication

EPISODE #129: Liespotting: How to Detect Deception in Everyday Life

EPISODE #264: The 4 Key Components for Connection That Will Change Your Relationships

EPISODE #268: Trust is a Choice: Creating a Confident Relationship with the Unknown

Questions?  Comments? Want to connect and chat about this episode? You can email me at, or DM me over on Instagram @emilygoughcoach or Facebook at Emily Gough Coaching.  I would absolutely love to connect with you and thank you for listening in real life and here any takeaways you had from this or other episodes!.  It makes me day to see you listening to the podcast and fills me up with pure joy. Seriously.  See you on the ‘gram!

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Create the kind of relationships that make your entire nervous system breathe a sigh of relief as you think to yourself, “this is what it’s supposed to feel like.”